Whatever...

Is the internet dream about to turn into a nightmare?

By Joe Banks

One of my favourite moments in Father Ted – arguably the greatest sit-com ever – is in the very first episode, where Ted is patiently explaining to Dougal the difference between dreams and reality – but how ever hard Ted tries, Dougal just can’t or won’t see it...

This scene often springs to mind whenever I think about the internet and its status as the ‘information superhighway’ (or words to that affect), a much peddled utopian vision of limitless global connectivity that promises to transform the way we work, communicate and entertain ourselves, forever and ever, etc etc

Because it’s not, is it?  In fact, as a transport mechanism for the type of services that are currently being touted by telecoms operators and content providers – IPTV, video on demand, ever fancier Web 2.0 mash-ups – it’s frankly starting to look a bit ropey.  Rather than a 10-lane motorway, it increasingly resembles a tangle of narrow lanes and back roads, more suitable for horse-drawn carts than for IP juggernauts.

Everybody knows there’s a problem – even Google has admitted that the internet in its current form just won’t scale, and that YouTube in particular isn’t helping the bandwidth drain situation.  But are they going to pull the service and say ‘sorry kids, but you’re going to have to find your videos of skateboarding dogs elsewhere from now on’? Are they flip – because it’s a proven eyeball magnet, and it’s surely not long before they find a way of making some serious money from it.

And that’s the crux of it – everybody wants a piece of the latest internet goldrush, even if the infrastructure itself is already starting to buckle under the strain.  Because dreams (particularly those that involve dollar signs) beat reality anyday.

Without wanting to get too dramatic here, I can’t help but think that there’s a parallel between this slash and burn mentality to the internet and the global warming crisis that we all now face – both illustrate a tendency to assume that we can go on proliferating and expanding indefinitely without any knock on effect to the environment around us, whether natural or virtual.  But are we really going to have to wait until there’s a net equivalent of the Stern Report before we act to avert online gridlock?

I really don’t know what the answer is, particularly as there seems to be such a disconnect between the content evangelists and the infrastructure providers – not to mention the fact that while governments might like to brag about the size of their broadband, they seem less keen on getting involved in regulating the global backbone network and ensuring that a quality internet service is available for all…

Let the format wars begin – Blu-ray vs HD DVD

By Audrey Sternberg

The PS3 will finally arrive in Europe in March! 

It will ship with a 2x Blu-ray disc drive, read-only as is the case with most game console optical drives.  However, given the high price at which it will be sold, you would have thought that this brand new Blu-ray technology would have a recorder included… but as we all know, you can never assume anything!

Blu-ray has been touted as the successor to DVD.  It can store more information on the same surface thanks to a new type of blue-violet laser.  Blu-Ray can hold 50Gb in its double layer version versus 8Gb for a standard DVD double layer. 

Then Toshiba announced at the Consumer Electronics Show (CES) in Las Vegas its new 51Gb HD DVD-ROM triple layer, which allows 7 hours of HD video.

Upping the ante, TDK responded with a 200Gb Blu-ray (6 layers on 33.3Gb) allowing 18 hours of HD video – enough to store every season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer on it! ;-)

Clearly, war between these technologies has been declared!

With all these new announcements, maybe we should bide our time before choosing one drive over another.  Although we’ll probably have to do as we have always done with games for consoles: buy the one that fits the player we own.  Unfortunately, format convergence still looks to be a long way off...

And sometimes there are forces at work that us poor punters only find out about after the fact…  For instance, this is what UK gossip service Popbitch had to say about this particular war:

“Back in the 80s when there were two competing video technologies, VHS triumphed over Betamax largely because Sony, who owned Betamax, refused to allow their format to be used by the porn industry.  Hence VHS became the industry standard.

There's a TV format war brewing again - HD DVDs versus Blu-ray.  Sony own Blu-ray and, guess what, they don't seem to want porn on this system either, having backed out of a deal with adult film studio Digital Playground.  HD-DVD is easier to produce anyway, so the porn industry is 100% behind this format.  PS3 uses Blu-ray, so there is some hope for Sony, but we're still sticking our money on HD-DVD.”

Still, for me, the fact remains that if the PS3 had a Blu-ray recorder inside, I wouldn’t think twice about buying it as soon as it is available in France.

(Though of course, hackers have already succeeded in cracking both Blu-ray and HD DVD copyright protection.  C’est la vie…!)

Guest blog - Does your news punch above its weight?

As well as being a platform for JKers to rant, ruminate and reflect on the worlds of technology and PR, 'Whatever...' will periodically be running guest blogs from friends who live beyond the (fire)walls of Johnson King Towers.

Here's Carole Theriault, senior security consultant at Sophos, on the humble press release…

So, you are a company with something to say, and you think the best way to spread the word is through a press release… 

Now, in my job, I get to see quite a few press releases from a variety of sources, and the difference in quality can be quite simply astounding.  It makes me feel for the journalists who have to scour through these things each and every day searching for something worthy of a story.

How can you tell if your release is going to cut the mustard? Here are some questions you can ask yourself:

Is it really news?

Forgive me if this sounds like an obvious question, but considering the number of releases that seemed best designed to inspire the widest and deepest of yawns, it seems this question is not being asked enough.  In the word 'news', you can clearly see the word "new" - that means that something is happening or is about to happen, or that you have a fresh viewpoint on something that has very recently happened. 

The point here is that timeliness is everything, so don’t waste effort on something that’s already past its sell-by date.

It's news, but will anyone care?

Of course, inside your company, everyone might be thrilled to bits about the latest upgrade or version of your product, but the point of a release is to try and appeal to a wider audience.  Answer the question in the first paragraph of why the journalist should give two hoots about the subject matter.  Back it up with independent views as to why this is important information.  Offer proof that this has a significant impact on your potential readership. 

By pretending to be the recipient of the release, you stand a better chance of writing a story worth publishing.  And bear in mind that some news is best kept for the internal company newsletter…

Is the piece punchy?

The point of a release is that journalists can read it and grab the info they need for a good story, but that doesn't mean that you should clutter it with tidbits of unnecessary peripheral information that complicates the release and confuses the reader.  The KISS rule - yes, that old chestnut - is invaluable here.  One main point and a maximum of three supporting points is good advice to follow. 

Another thing to remember is to be clear in your sentence construction.  I cannot tell you how many releases I have seen with loooooooong, convoluted sentences that take me back to my days of studying Latin.  Press releases shouldn’t be littered with modifiers and marketing speak.  Just say what you want to say.  A good trick here is to read it out loud.  Does it sound interesting and, well, punchy?

Don't talk, just kiss

By Tom Kirkham

Surprise surprise - according to research from Dial-A-Phone, Brits are now totally addicted to mobiles, to the extent that more than 70 percent of people will never, ever turn them off, irrespective of location, time of day or night, who they're with or what they're doing.  As Telecom TV puts it, mobile phone etiquette is dead - the urge to communicate is just too great to resist.

Now I'm not currently addicted to mobile phones (though I appear to be addicted to blogging about them, which is possibly more disturbing), but I know what a blight they can be on your everyday life… 

You know you're getting a call - you can feel the vibration - but you're reeeeally not supposed to take it, because you're in the middle of breaking up with your girlfriend, or you're receiving disciplinary action at work (perhaps for spending too much time on your phone), or you're about to assassinate a world leader and only have a five second window in which to pull the trigger.

I think most people would recognise that on balance, mobile phones are a good thing, but it's slightly concerning that they're invading so many different areas of life.  I mean, have you ever received a phone call from someone on the toilet?  Sadly I have, and it should be noted that everything the person said was rendered completely irrelevant by the distracting trickle I could hear in the background.  Yet according to Dial-A-Phone, 57 percent of men are perfectly comfortable with using both hands in this way. 

What's more, 46 percent of women would happily answer the phone while having sex.  Surely this is going to lead to a major argument... unless of course their partner is already taking a call of their own.

So how do we prevent these rapidly eroding standards of decency from further decay?  Well, operators could ramp up their voice tariffs and start subsidising video calling, which would presumably alter the percentages somewhat.  Staff at theatres, hospital wards and the like could start physically ejecting anyone caught using their phone.  And of course, the outraged minority could start refusing to communicate with anyone engaging in inappropriate mobile behaviour - if you hear that trickle, or suspiciously heavy breathing, then you hang up immediately and don't speak to the person ever again.

But seriously, this whole problem is symptomatic of the fact that when it comes to technology, we often take things too far.  There are problems, and we solve them, but then we go beyond solving them to the point where it becomes ridiculous - where people start using sat-nav to go to their local cornershop, or worse - using the Microsoft Office Assistant...

And so I end this blog with a plea to anyone currently considering making or taking a call at an inappropriate moment - in the words of Right Said Fred, "don't talk, just kiss" (or go to the bathroom without your phone).