By Tom Kirkham
Surprise surprise - according to research from Dial-A-Phone, Brits are now totally addicted to mobiles, to the extent that more than 70 percent of people will never, ever turn them off, irrespective of location, time of day or night, who they're with or what they're doing. As Telecom TV puts it, mobile phone etiquette is dead - the urge to communicate is just too great to resist.
Now I'm not currently addicted to mobile phones (though I appear to be addicted to blogging about them, which is possibly more disturbing), but I know what a blight they can be on your everyday life…
You know you're getting a call - you can feel the vibration - but you're reeeeally not supposed to take it, because you're in the middle of breaking up with your girlfriend, or you're receiving disciplinary action at work (perhaps for spending too much time on your phone), or you're about to assassinate a world leader and only have a five second window in which to pull the trigger.
I think most people would recognise that on balance, mobile phones are a good thing, but it's slightly concerning that they're invading so many different areas of life. I mean, have you ever received a phone call from someone on the toilet? Sadly I have, and it should be noted that everything the person said was rendered completely irrelevant by the distracting trickle I could hear in the background. Yet according to Dial-A-Phone, 57 percent of men are perfectly comfortable with using both hands in this way.
What's more, 46 percent of women would happily answer the phone while having sex. Surely this is going to lead to a major argument... unless of course their partner is already taking a call of their own.
So how do we prevent these rapidly eroding standards of decency from further decay? Well, operators could ramp up their voice tariffs and start subsidising video calling, which would presumably alter the percentages somewhat. Staff at theatres, hospital wards and the like could start physically ejecting anyone caught using their phone. And of course, the outraged minority could start refusing to communicate with anyone engaging in inappropriate mobile behaviour - if you hear that trickle, or suspiciously heavy breathing, then you hang up immediately and don't speak to the person ever again.
But seriously, this whole problem is symptomatic of the fact that when it comes to technology, we often take things too far. There are problems, and we solve them, but then we go beyond solving them to the point where it becomes ridiculous - where people start using sat-nav to go to their local cornershop, or worse - using the Microsoft Office Assistant...
And so I end this blog with a plea to anyone currently considering making or taking a call at an inappropriate moment - in the words of Right Said Fred, "don't talk, just kiss" (or go to the bathroom without your phone).
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